Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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