Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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