I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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