Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
