Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
