I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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