he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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