he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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