I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have aggressive nipples.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
