NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
