Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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