There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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