There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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