the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
