I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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