OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
