Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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