I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
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No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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