the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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