belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
