i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
