yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
