when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
