I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
