Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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