She's JV to your varsity
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
PS: I just woke up from my shower
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize