First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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