i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
