Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
