Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
