I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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