She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
