I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
