my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
