She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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