My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
