dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
