on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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