Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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