At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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