Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize