im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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