Bisexual people are plain selfish.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
