I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
