when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize