Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize