I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
