He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
