oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
