I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
