Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
