last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
