I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
