dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Moan for me like Helen Keller
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
