and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
