Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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