dude i'm inner monologue high
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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