So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
