I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
