Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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