STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
she woke up with a sticky ear
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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