I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
