Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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