I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
