you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
