Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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