Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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