Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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