she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
