So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize