you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
