help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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