i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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