There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
