my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He shit in the fireplace
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