i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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