i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
