Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
